Bananananana

Dear everyone who has told me "OMG you're eating your banana wrong!"*,

Apparently you're supposed to eat the banana from the not-stem end, not the stem end.  I've attached a handy picture since I don't think my explanation makes any sense.

"That's the way that primates eat them!" people excitedly tell me.  "You won't get any of those strings that come off the peel and stick to the banana!  They're easier to open!  This way you have a handle to hold the banana with!"

[Interjection: Molly just tried to curl up on my yoga mat, and looked very confused when I made her get up and told her it was not for dogs.  She's really confused today because we took her to the vet yesterday to get fixed, they kept her all day, including giving her pre-op drugs for about three hours, and then a few other surgeries got complicated and they ended up not getting to her.  So we got to pick up and extremely confused, abandoned-feeling dog at 6:00 last night, and she cried for about two hours straight because she was woozy from the drugs, she has a shaved patch on her arm where they had put a tube in, and SHE HAS TO GO BACK TOMORROW TO DO IT ALL AGAIN.  She is going to be PISSED.  She's already spent most of today in her crate because it's her safe place and she thinks nothing will hurt her if she's in her crate.  Plus she gets food in her crate so she goes in there when she's hungry.  Which is 20 times a day.]

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, people telling me I'm eating food wrong.  For anyone who knows me in real life, I'm kinda thin-skinned.  (cue everyone I know saying "biggest understatement ever!".  Whatever, "everyone I know.")

The thing is, I've tried the "open and eat the banana from the non-stem end" trick.  Several times.  I kept trying because people have made me insecure about how I eat my food.  IT DOESN'T WORK.  It's harder to open (you don't have leverage from the stem, duh), I always bruise the banana in the process, I usually don't eat that end of the banana anyway because it's usually icky and bruised, strings still get on my banana, and my banana doesn't need a handle!  It's wrapped in nice non-slimy peel until I am ready to eat it.

Anyway I just remembered this rant because I just ate a banana and decided to try opening it the "new" way and it made me angry.  I'm done now.

*This is actually only two or three people.  And I think they just told me in a way like "hey there's a news story out that says you're supposed to do it this way!".  But I'm overly sensitive, and this particular thing really stuck with me for some reason.

EDIT: I just realized I meant this to be one of my open letters to people who won't respond, like "dear neighbor down the street with two mean dogs, why did you pick up your dog's poop and put it in someone's RECYCLE bin?", but then I didn't word the rest of it that way.  So sue me.