MADNESS

Mary is leafblowing in the middle of a crazy windstorm.  The leaves are just going to keep falling you crazy old woman!  Not to mention that you don't actually pick them up, you just blow them into your neighbors' lawns, so they're going to blow right back into your lawn!

Madness, I say.  Madness.

One more rant

I remembered something else obnoxious from the flight... The tray tables were completely covered in advertisements on the side that shows when you put it down.  Ahhh sensory overload while just trying to have somewhere to put my kindle and my waited-two-hours-for drink!

Rants from cruising altitude

It never ceases to amaze me how much some people love to hear themselves talk.  I sat through a three-hour flight on Sunday being forced to listen to a political discussion (aka polite argument) between a NASA contractor and a former military member.  I "tuned most of it out" (i.e. I blasted music on my headphones) but the pieces I caught were the tired old science spending vs. military spending disagreement, and why we don't just capture tides for energy because "the wind doesn't always blow and the sun doesn't always shine".  Wow.  The tides don't always flow, you massively interrupt tidal ecosystems, the power is difficult to store and/or transport, etc.  But otherwise, gee, you should be the next head of the department of energy.

Sorry.  I just hate it when people talk endlessly about topics they don't fully understand.  I will never understand why people can't make a few minutes of polite chit-chat with their neighbors then entertain themselves quietly for the duration of the flight.  I know I'm pretty far on the anti-social end of the spectrum, but still.

Doesn't help that the two main people involved in the conversation were sitting in the aisle and window seats, and conversing loudly over the poor bastard in the middle seat (who joined in occasionally but was otherwise drowned out by the two main loudmouths). And the loudmouth behind me, in an effort to more easily communicate with the woman in the window seat, put his tray table down and leaned on it (thus moving my seat [directly in front of him] whenever he shifted weight, gestured, etc.).  Oh and he was a foot-tapper, which on a plane with thin hollow floors means everyone else gets to "enjoy" the rhythm of his foot tapping as well.

Other disconnected thoughts:

I might die from happiness if all airlines realize it's stupid to charge for checked bags.  If I see one more person almost drop a bag on someone's head because they packed a bag to heavy for them to lift, I'm gonna scream.

Bitter old women should refrain from venting about their children and grandchildren to random strangers on the flight  I'm sorry your son has OCD and it bothers you.  You do realize it's an ILLNESS and not a way to make your life miserable, right?  I'm sorry your other son bought you a car without consulting his siblings because he didn't want it to turn into an argument between them.  I'm sorry your city doesn't want you to put a wheelchair lift on your condo building.  It probably violates code.  Anyway, it makes the rest of us paranoid about mistreating our moms/grandmas and I have the urge to go hug mine.  Hug!!

We didn't get drinks until two hours after takeoff on my first flight, since us airways decided that one person was sufficient to serve the entire full A320 cabin and the other flight attendant was selling overpriced snack boxes.  Loudmouth behind me decided it would be a good idea to flirt with the stewardess and slow her down further.  Seriously dude, shut up.

US Airways had apparently shifted the seats on the regional jet on my second flight so they could fit a few more rows of people in.  The seats didn't line up at all with the windows, and I barely had room to move.  I fly on RJ's pretty often, and they're not usually this bad.  And I'm short!  The more I fly, the worse I feel for tall people.  Sorry, Mom :)

But happy thoughts!  I'm going to be in Chicago for labor day weekend and I'm actually going to get to be around for a family gathering.  So excited!

Do Not Call!!

Dear Government,

I sort of understand why phone surveys and charitable organizations don't fall under the "do not call" registry restrictions.  But could we revise that?  How about this: limit the number of times they can call a particular number (if I know who you are and haven't picked up by the third time you call, I'm not going to pick up), and require them to leave messages on answering machines.  If I listen to the message and decide it's not a scam, harassment, etc., then I'll pick up next time you call.

Regards,
Carrie


I know, I know, completely not enforceable.  Or realistic I suppose.

The phone has rung four times in the last two hours, all of them "out of area, number unavailable" or no caller ID whatsoever (just says "incoming call" and never shows even a number).  We have an election going on, so I'd be happy to tell the political surveys that I-already-voted-so-please-stop-calling, but I never know which ones are normal surveys, and which ones are verbally abusive fundraisers for the fraternal police organizations. So I just don't pick up.

Security Irony

Please do not leave your bags unattended. Unless you've already sent them through the xray, and you have to wait ten minutes for the privacy invasion machine while your bags sit unattended at the end of security.
Counterproductive security measures and being treated like a criminal really make my morning.

Advice

Ok, so what would you do if you were in my shoes?

My neighbors, on the far side of the our duplex (so they're not immediate adjacent to us), insist on having their large poodle/lab mix, Jack, in their front yard, unleashed and out of control, at least once a day.  They have a backyard, so it's not Jack's only place to be outside, but they let him out in the front yard whenever they're outside doing yard work, playing catch with him, etc.

We have a backyard, but no door to it.  We have to go out the front door and up the driveway to get to the backyard.  It's not fenced, but we have a dog run so we can tie up Molly when we're in the backyard.

However, since it's a pain to go to the backyard, I usually let Molly out in the front yard, on a leash, whenever she has to "go".   But whenever Jack is out, I can't take Molly out in the front yard, because he will come over, jump all over us, and distract her from her "business".  The neighbors don't usually notice, and when they do, he doesn't come when he's called, so they have to come over and drag him back by the collar.  If they even bother to.  Usually I scoop Molly up and go back inside until they have the decency to control their dog.  He's about three times her size, and she gets pretty freaked out by him.

But regardless of if we're outside, Jack doesn't stay in their yard.  He wanders over into our front yard, up to our door, all over our porch, and they don't call him back until he comes back on his own or they have to go inside.  Needless to say, Molly gets very upset because like all dogs, she's territorial, and our yard is "hers".  Today she was growling, barking, and had her hackles raised.  And today, Jack decided to walk up our driveway to our backyard and poop!!  Of course, our neighbor had no idea, because she was on the phone and taking in the garbage cans.

So am I justified in being angry?  If you were me, would you say something to the neighbor?  What would you say?  Help!

Bananananana

Dear everyone who has told me "OMG you're eating your banana wrong!"*,

Apparently you're supposed to eat the banana from the not-stem end, not the stem end.  I've attached a handy picture since I don't think my explanation makes any sense.

"That's the way that primates eat them!" people excitedly tell me.  "You won't get any of those strings that come off the peel and stick to the banana!  They're easier to open!  This way you have a handle to hold the banana with!"

[Interjection: Molly just tried to curl up on my yoga mat, and looked very confused when I made her get up and told her it was not for dogs.  She's really confused today because we took her to the vet yesterday to get fixed, they kept her all day, including giving her pre-op drugs for about three hours, and then a few other surgeries got complicated and they ended up not getting to her.  So we got to pick up and extremely confused, abandoned-feeling dog at 6:00 last night, and she cried for about two hours straight because she was woozy from the drugs, she has a shaved patch on her arm where they had put a tube in, and SHE HAS TO GO BACK TOMORROW TO DO IT ALL AGAIN.  She is going to be PISSED.  She's already spent most of today in her crate because it's her safe place and she thinks nothing will hurt her if she's in her crate.  Plus she gets food in her crate so she goes in there when she's hungry.  Which is 20 times a day.]

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, people telling me I'm eating food wrong.  For anyone who knows me in real life, I'm kinda thin-skinned.  (cue everyone I know saying "biggest understatement ever!".  Whatever, "everyone I know.")

The thing is, I've tried the "open and eat the banana from the non-stem end" trick.  Several times.  I kept trying because people have made me insecure about how I eat my food.  IT DOESN'T WORK.  It's harder to open (you don't have leverage from the stem, duh), I always bruise the banana in the process, I usually don't eat that end of the banana anyway because it's usually icky and bruised, strings still get on my banana, and my banana doesn't need a handle!  It's wrapped in nice non-slimy peel until I am ready to eat it.

Anyway I just remembered this rant because I just ate a banana and decided to try opening it the "new" way and it made me angry.  I'm done now.

*This is actually only two or three people.  And I think they just told me in a way like "hey there's a news story out that says you're supposed to do it this way!".  But I'm overly sensitive, and this particular thing really stuck with me for some reason.

EDIT: I just realized I meant this to be one of my open letters to people who won't respond, like "dear neighbor down the street with two mean dogs, why did you pick up your dog's poop and put it in someone's RECYCLE bin?", but then I didn't word the rest of it that way.  So sue me.